Our Young People December 30, 2006

Boy, where to begin?

I’ve just had a convo with a young friend of mine, and it has really broken my heart. I have a lot of young friends, each of them often confide in me, but this time is has really hit me.
On the subject of New Years Resolutions, my young friend, we will call her “7”, told me that she’s “got to stop doing naughty things”. After quizzing her for a little, she confessed drinking, smoking, and drug abuse.
I must admit to trying to smoke at the age of 11, and then after a burning chest and coughing fits, I knew it wasn’t for me. I will have a glass of wine rarely on special occasions, but I don’t like feeling like I am not in control of my mind, so it’s not something I choose to do regularly… but I have never, and will never take drugs.
       Obviously, I know that some young people experiment, but 7 revealed to me that she does it to escape.

How can such a young life be in so much distress, and have no one to turn to? Bless her. It really has broken my heart. Instead of supporting her, her mother threw her out.

How can we turn our backs on our young people?!
And the ones that we consider “bad breeds”, ”juvanile delinquents”, “yobs”, ”thugs”… whatever it maybe, and that we turn our backs on, are the ones we should be there for the most! Without guidance, what are they supposed to think? That we hate them, and then go on to grow up angry with the world. And we wonder how such sweet children can turn out so bad. It sickens me to my soul.

How about… be there for your children! At least, be there for them, even if not your own – don’t judge them, don’t scold them, don’t persecute them so that there is no way they can feel they can come to you. Just listen, and support them with an open mind! And then offer your support even if you cannot offer your opinion on the situation.
Even the coldest, and most heartless seeming children still have hearts, feelings and emotions.

There are far too many people out there who are happy to shut them out in the cold. This is the generation that will one day be running the world. Bare that in mind.
     I have always been there for my young friends, and that will never change; but now, I don’t want to be there for just them…I want to, and am going to, be there for many more now.

I hope that more people will open their eyes to this ignorance, and make a conscious effort to change the errors of their ways, and be a part of the solution as opposed to a part of the problem.  

Deep in thought??

After a lovely evening with a friend; I lay here…exhausted in every way possible, with a mind buzzing with thoughts.
     After work, we had a bit of a girly evening and went for a shop (doesn’t happen very often, so was quite nice =)  ), and then a meal.
     (Los Locos, Covent Garden btw – AMAZING Mexican food!!!)

While there, we had a good ol’ chat – as you do – and when it come to ordering, I couldn’t decide. nothing unusual there; it always takes ages, I am very indecisive, but that is something people pick up on…what I did find unusual is that T picked up on this, and a little more
“Look at you analyzing that – you’re so indecisive, aren’t you?”
And the subject of me ‘over analyzing’ myself and my life, kept creeping back up.
  She asked me why I do this. lol that was the wrong question to ask someone who does nothing but analyze herself. lol
I believe it is because, I need to understand who I am, and how the mind works.. I am always trying to be a better person. I think… lol aaaaah! I’m gonna start doin’ it again…

It has come to me that I may be so indecisive as I want to make my own decisions in life, but always want to make the right one, which would be why I take an eternity to make a choice… classic example, ordering the meal earlier this evening.

But really; why do I do this to myself, I ask?…

Tipped Scales

So the balance has just slapped me in the face. For almost two months now, been pretty much non-stop happy and bursting with positivity. I always say
                           “There has to be a balance in life…”
and the balance has finally came to play. Babygirl is sad =(
As far as I’m aware, about nothing in particular. Maybe my pain is residing in my subconscious… Is that possible?
   If I was to answer my own question “Yes, it’s possible”, but that is only my opinion; I would be interested to unveil as to whether my theory is in any part true.

Maybe just hormonal? Maybe hidden sorrow? Maybe…just maybe

Sleepless

Insomnia… it really is the worst!
Sleep deprivation is running me down, yet is the one thing that is driving me right now!
     At work, giving my all to heal & promote well being – I find myself being drained of (positive) energy by those who I am trying to help. Due to lack of energy, I am unable to channel any other energy that I would otherwise be able to aquire – It MASHES ME UP!!!!
And then I get to the point where I go beyond tired, get my second wind and go hyper…and it gets to stages like this…
                                            I can’t stinkin’ sleep!
Not impressed. So now, I just accept the insomnia as opposed to trying to fight it.
Take now for example … 1.36am, been trying to sleep for…I don’t know…ages!; instead of lying her getting mad, I’ve turned on the radio (bassline 97.9FM – BADMAN STATION!) listening to 3 Wise Men, writing, and praying for sleep to come.

But still, I am open to suggestion… PLEASE HELP YOUR BABYGIRL!

(p.s for those who haven’t figured this one out…a majority of the time, I write my posts down when come into my head…and then type them as soon as I can get online)

Forbidden Love December 27, 2006

For years now you have been a part of my life.
But now I have to watch you from a far.
I long for you;
I want you.
Everytime you’re around I can’t resist you – no matter how hard I may try.
How can something you love so much make you so ill?

I can’t have you; but a part of me needs you.
But when I give in to you, I feel so bad – you’re so bad for my health.

Yet for a while, you satisfy my desire…

I love you, Ben & Jerry’s!!!

 (HAHA)

thinking… December 24, 2006

I’ve always thought of myself as a relatively deep thinker…but today, after reading the posts of others, I’ve realised I am actually not that deep at all.
After reading the posts of those with great depth, I felt myself slipping, and putting myself down, saying things inside my mind “I must be quite stupid” “I could never be as intelligent as that”… so I stopped that crap, and began to analysing myself …

I think I may have been deep; but throughout the last four years, I feel my depth may have reverted into a childlike state. Don’t get me wrong, not childlike as in what the common misconception would be; a grown woman sitting in the corner with building blocks, a bib and dribbling; childlike in the sense that all I have tried to see in the world is the innocence and the happiness, because of the state of mind I was in at the time (for those who are quite dense, yes I was unhappy).
Simplicity is the phrase that comes to mind.

But then, I think, if my mind really is so childlike, why would all my friends come straight to me for advise without hesitation? Would they really be able to leave my presence, feeling like they are able to understand the scenario they find themselves, in a bit more? Would a simple mind be able to process such complex issues? So surely, my mind cannot be as shallow as I often believe it to be.

It just goes to show the effect of thought on the person as a whole; mind, body and soul…
If the mind is negative, the soul is unhappy, and the energy and drive will then deflate, leading the body to ill health…which can then lead into a downward spiral which could inevitably result in depression.

In conclusion; be positive, but at the same time, be realistic about life, and try and see that life shouldn’t be looked upon from just one angle.

Have a very HAPPY Christmas!

babygirl x

Adults Suck!

I don’t know why this hit me when it did, but I shall continue anyway..

 As I sat there, in Dublin airport, I reached the conclusion…

                                               ADULTS SUCK!!!!!

Over the last week (well, few weeks by this point), and last couple of days in particular; I’ve had a lot of time to think about where I, as a person, am at the moment.
    For the first time in many years, I am truely happy – only a few things are missing from my life at the moment. I am doing well in my career, I love my amazing friends, I am happy with my image (finally – haha), I’m dancing again (HAPPY), and most of all, I am happy with who I am.
One of the things that is missing… my kids!

Now, let’s not get it twisted…I’m really not a mother, and realy don’t intend to be for quite a number of years. I’ve taught gymnastics for eight years…although I have been on a break for almost 9 months now; due to, well, let’s just say heartless disrespect, and my hard working backside being taken for granted and a half!!! Leading me to my point of Adults sucking!

Coaching is hard work, but my kids made it so worth it. Throughout the mental and emotional torment I put up with (from the adults of the establishment) for years, those children reminded me that my time spent with them, in one way or another would contribute to moulding of the person they are destined to become (that may sound like a slight contradiction there…but it’s meant as in, I was destined to be a part of their lives and contributing, etc).

Their innocence and purity amazes me. I love being around them. At this moment, I’m reminded of a lady who was brought to me via my work.
As we spoke, she told me of her three children. Each with different personalities, but the one who has remained in my mind is the middle child she spoke of – a little boy at the age of seven. 
His purity was beautiful. One of the stories she told me went like this;

Three boys were playing in the playground (one of them being our little man), when two of them have a disagreement, and as little boys do, began to fight. Little man got between the two and said
“God doesn’t want us to hit each other. Jesus is in all of us, so if we hit each other, we’re hitting Jesus, and God doesn’t want us to hit His son.”
How beautiful is that?!
Now the thing that really amazed me was that little man as not a little boy brought up in a church.
How can such a small boy posess such wisdom? They amaze me, they really do.

It really horrifies me then to think that such innocence can be taken away as the years go on. The most evil people were born pure and innocent.
How can we, as adults, call ourselves, or consider ourselves, higher beings when all our young people witness is our fights and bitterness. This is when purity is taken from them, and the mind begins to corrupt.
      Don’t get me wrong; with my statement, in no way am I suggesting that we are all evil and are turning our children bad; just simply how much our children glean from us as adults. If we swear, they will think that when they are big enough, it is ok to do so… you see where I’m going with this, right?

Can you imagine a world run by children such as little man? If you’re not religious look beyond the religious names stated, and think about how amazing and angelic that child’s mind is.
       I can imagine that world; peaceful… the definiton of love – that’s how it would be. 

Hi there! December 20, 2006

Well, here I am… my first blog thingy! There isn’t going to be much to it, due to the fact that at this point, I really can’t be bothered to post anything major!

So I just thought I’d show my presence to the world… HI WORLD!

I’m sure that as time goes by, more will be revealed about myself… but for now, you’ll just have to keep watching!

babygirl