Mother’s…who’d have ’em?! October 19, 2008

I’ve had a right day of it today. Well if I’m honest, I’ve had a right goodness knows how many months of it.
Certain people really do my nut in! Why is it that if it’s blue, and you tell me it’s red, and everyone else knows it’s blue as well, and when I disagree with you, you are going to take my head off because you can’t be told?! Why are people so pigheaded?? Human nature, I’m sure, but these kinda arrogant people start wars. I’m not saying be a walk over and brake your back to adapt to mold into the shape you’re told to by every tom, dick and harry; but at least learn to accept that you DONT know everything, and you CANT always be right!

And why is it…that no matter what…certain people think that the sun shines out of their kids’ backsides?! I’m always wrong in my actions, and your child, even when they do the same thing and worse, is never wrong, but I’m like the blacksheep of the flock??? I’m making myself sound like a rebellious idiot at the moment, but if I were to go into actual detail, it’s things sooooo trivial it’s almost laughable…yet it’s these little things that are almost soul destroying/relationship (not matter what kind of relationship) breaking. 

There’s a certain age your kid gets to, and you have no choice but loosen the chain, and then eventually to let go. I’m not saying, neglect, ill-treat, abandon the child, but let the child grow into an adult and not have him/her still living at mummy’s, aged 30, wearing nappies! No, I haven’t got any children as yet, but I do intend to, and growing up with a mother who has almost suffocated me because she refuses to let go, and seeing the mother/mother-in-law’s around me/my friends, has taught me many things about how you can destroy things with this kind of behaviour. Your son will grow up one day, and you wont be the only woman in his life anymore, but don’t wreck his marriage because you despise that fact. Some of you may think “surely not” but one of my closest friends is living that reality at the moment. Anyway…

Please don’t take this in the wrong way…in no way am I saying that I wish I didn’t have a mother, because no no nooo way…I love my mum, but I’m saying the transition from her “little girl” to her adult daughter, has to happen.
Plenty of young lives have been lead astray through neglect, lack of guidance, or lack of discipline from mother/carers/families; and I am so so grateful that I had a good mother to keep me in check, as I know people who has lost parents and would do anything to get them back, or people that would give anything just to have a mother.

I dont know how to sum up this post, but I wanted to express the frustration… so, i guess this’ll have to do…

Any feedback as to why certain people behave in the ways they do, would be greatly appreciated.

Love me tender??… December 23, 2007

Love, or the…I don’t even know how to put this, which words I’m looking for… notion, act, falling…I just don’t know…it’s so confusing!
What does it all mean in the noughty’s??? 2008 is fast approaching, and it feels as if, as time moves on as do fashions, it seems that the idea of love is fast growing old and dying off too.
It was as if, in the early 1900’s, people fell in love, married young, and stayed married and in love…so what’s happened? Are we now just settling for a standard below than that which we deserve, and then getting divorced when fed up of it all? How did they fall in love with the right one from so young, and are still with them 60 years on? …. Or did they ever love at all? Did they just settle and make do??  

ooooh, LIFE!

Rastafariiiiiiiii July 2, 2007

Oh my goodness…what is there to say. I have been away for so long. So much has happened in such a short period of time, and if I was to write it all down, I could go for days… Yet I feel like I have writer block…what the heck?!

So a friend, a young writer, has advised me just to write… so here I am.

Ok so…if you’ve ready any of my other posts, you’ll be aware that I can be a bit passionate about the state of the world.
Since being handed a flyer advertising a Drum and Bass/Roots and Culture event, which had the speech on “Will and Determination”, which I posted back in January; I have been fascinated by His Magiesty Haile Selassie I. Which has obviously lead me to look into the Rastafari religion, or way of life.  Coincidentally, since this time, a few people who follow the Rasta way of living, have came into my life. One in particular, has left his mark on my life…such an amazing person; I have so much love for him. I quite literally talk to him for hours and hours…sometimes from the time the sun sets, to the time the Lord brings it back into the sky again the next morning; and sometimes even beyond that. We talk about everything; from bussin joke, down to beliefs, street life, how we could change the world…EVERYTHING!!! annnyhow… In our many conversations, (we shall call him Z) Z has explained his religion on a deeper level to me…breaking things down. It’s truely captured me…I find myself wanting to know more and more. Ok, so…here’s some things on my mind at the moment…

Emperor Haile Selassie I; 225 generations down in the family of the Great King Solomon and the Queen of Sheiba… Making him a blood decendent of Jesus Christ.
Amazing.
(Forgive me if thats a sad thing to be amazed by…no, infact, I don’t apologise – I don’t give a crap what you think… If you’re narrow minded, what you doin’ readin my stuff?!)
    A man so wisdomful and so well respected; a world of very, at that time, prejudice leaders, or attitudes,  gave this man the upmost respect. The first black leader, of our time, to make such a massive impact on the world.

In his time as Emperor, he encountered such evil; people trying to over throw him, people trying to distroy him…even his own son.
  In one of our conversations, I remember Z saying, that Haile Selassie I (also known as King of Kings, the Lion of Judah; and as he was a true blood decedent of Jesus Christ, was known as God Reincarnated), was one of the people in the world that leaders did not want around; because, if you have a living God, people are no longer going to follow the leaders, they will have no use…no power.
And as I’ve researched more and more, I’ve found just how right Z was.

In 1935, the Italian invasion of Ethiopia forced the Emperor and his family to go into exhile, in which he took most of this in Bath, England. (Bath, an absolutly beautiful, and amazing place – there is something very spiritual about it, amongst the Roman Spa, the healing waters and the utter beauty of it…but that’s for another post)
     In History books, during this period of time, we are taught that there were not many black people, or people of ethnic minority, in England pre-World War Two. I remember being taught of all the racism and prejudice that was present; but was not taught about how supportive English people were of certain Black figures. Everything I have found out about the Emperor’s stay in Bath, every documentary I have watched, all the research I have filtered through, has shown how loved, honoured, and respected His Majesty was.

With the help of Britain, in 1945, His Majesty was able to regain control of his country. But it was only a matter of time before it was to happen again.  I cannot even write the next part…I shall paste it in here. When reading it, it really choked me up…and I have to admit I shead tears. It really hurt to read that…

“In 1974, Emperor Haile Selassie was detained and overthrown by the Marxist dictator Mengistu Haile Mariam in a 1974 coup (In 1960 Selassie’s son, Asfa Wossan lead an unsuccessful coup against his father. His dad forgave him but all the other leaders of the coup are executed.)

He was detained by soldiers loyal to the new government in his palace and died a year later. The circumstances of his death were mysterious but many believe he was murdered by his captors. In 1992 after the Marxist government was overthrown, the remains of Emperor Haile Selassie were found buried under a toilet in the Imperial Palace. The body was exhumed and moved to a mausoleum in Addis Ababa.”

How can people be so evil to a man that contributed so much good in a wicked world?! Absolutly heartbreaking.

My point to this post? There are a few in there. Interpret it how you will…it may not mean anything to you; just total ramblings…but to me, there are many.

Oh My GOODNESS…girls…guys… whats goin on?! June 20, 2007

***Current mood: annoyed ***

Right… gonna have a rant…
Just read this bulletin, posted by a BEAUTIFUL friend of mine…

“I’m sorry..
if I’m not skinny enough for you to see my ribs.I’m sorry..
if I’m not pretty enough to be “your girl”.

I’m sorry..
if I’m not tan enough for you.

I’m sorry..
if I’m not a playboy model so I don’t act like a porn star for you.

I’m sorry..
If i don’t have a dream body that turns you on.

I’m sorry..
if I’m too tall or too short for you.

I’m sorry..
if i won’t drop down to my knees to get you to like me.

I’m sorry..
if my hair isn’t just the way you like it.

I’m sorry..
if I’m not the “hottest” girl you have ever seen.

But most of all…
I’m sorry that most guys can’t accept a girl for who they really are.

If you’re a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as “I’m sorry.”

If you’re one of the few GUYS with enough balls to repost and you would never make your girl feel this way, repost as “I love you just the way you are…

—Most
——Guys
———Are
————Just
—————Not
——————Man
———————Enough“

NEVER will I apologise for being the person I am!!! I am not sorry for s*%t!!! Never will I apologise for not being something…NO WAY!

I tell u why…

I AM AMAZING!

A man wants me for me…and if he wants to change me, then he can jog on; ur tryina change me, u must want someone else…u must b confused, boy…go get someone else!

i HATE…and i mean HATE that girls/women feel that they need to conform to the “idols” of this age… why can’t u be happy with who U r?!
U were made unique…why do u feel the need 2 b some1 ur not, more to the point, 2 b like every1 else?!

GIRLS…. FIX UP!!! Don’t start that apologisin crap…not even wen ur sayin that u r who u r… NEVER start with “I’m sorry I’m not”…
How about, “I’m thankful I’m not”?!

Never will a man make me think low of myself; no media image will make me wanna change me; simple fact… I LOVE ME!!!

My skin is extemely pale; i do not tan
I wear glasses
No, u cant see a full rib cage
My butt is friggin big….and u know what; i couldnt b happier with me 
I hope this will reach out to some of u, and hit home, and make a difference. If u cant love urself for who U r… who else will b able to love u?!
My final thought… and take this as u will…
                                        Love me or move on!

Love You Forever? February 21, 2007

What drives a person to obsession?

The basis of it has to be a psychological thing…but why all of a sudden, does a person who has never shown evidence of that streak in their past (and I’m talking literally YEEEEAAARS…not just a young person who has just started their lives), suddenly turn?
Does something snap? Or does the addictive personality disorder that most people hold, suddenly turn extreme?! Help me out here, I don’t know.

And why does it happen, so that regular people are those who are being obsessed over? I mean, everyone, in their own way, is amazing… but I can kinda understand when a person can obsess over a celebrity – what with the status, the glamorous lifestyle, always in the limelight, so on and so forth; given that, i can kind of understand how easily a person could build some kinda relationship with this person up in their head. But why with your regular, living life everyday, humble person?
        I know a guy; absolutely amazing person – one of the most inspirational people I have been blessed enough to meet, and probably one of the most sincer that I will ever meet. Now this guy, he has a fantastic job, and one which draws a lot of attention to him… he’s a looker and everyone knows it (if you’re reading this and figured out I’m talkin’ about you, don’t get a big head!!!), and because of this must get a lot of crazy people on his case…and from what I have observed…he does!!
    And because of this, from my observation, he finds it hard to let people in who offer him their friendship, because his defences are up – and understandably so. Just from what I have witnessed so far, I can see a lot of girls are on his case, and I can see how this can be quite scary! But I must admit, although I understand all this through working it out for myself, I do feel as though I’ve been robbed of the privilege of gaining a friend, which is saddening for me; as I do genuinely want to be his friend.
… yeah, so, like I was saying… I can understand a person such as him being someone for a person to build their fantasies around, but why a standard person???

Take the Harvey Nichols murder for example; Clare Burnal, beauty therapist, a young lady of 22; not a person who lived the life of stardom, yet had her life taken away from a guy who grew so deeply attached he couldn’t see life without her.

I’ve never feared for my life. If the Lord has come for me, then it is my time…and I accept that. I do not fear death. Admittedly, at times, I fear the circumstances I may die by…but in general, I don’t. But now things in my life are changing, in major ways, I am happy, and it seems that a person from my past cannot stand to see that happen, and is continuously pestering me. And although I, myself, do not feel he will do anything to harm me in any way, shape, or form;others around me, seem to think he may… and I have to admit, their concerns have proved to be contagious and have worried me mildly.
            It’s strange how certain things can happen to a person, or even just for thoughts to enter ones mind, and can totally floor a person for a moment just by analyzing past events and letting the imagination to run wild for a moment with “what if” ‘s.

So what is it? What is it that differenciates a relationship from ‘Your’s Faithfully’ to ‘Your’s Fatally’ ? 

What’s going on?! :( February 7, 2007

I began to write a massive ‘ol post a couple days back, and the stinkin’ net cut off…NOT IMPRESSED! So, here I am now…

OK, well… life seems to be going well for me, because I’m making it happy! But no matter how much I am positive, and look on the bright side, things happen that absolutely sicken me.
I had a really good weekend; it was so chilled and nice, funny and one that truly made me smile… that was all up until I got a text from my best friend on Sunday evening
” girl, who got shot at the ice rink last night?!”
Upon reading this, my heart literally thumped in my chest! Streatham ice rink was somewhere I spent a majority of my childhood and teenage years… so many happy memories. And although throughout the years I have witnessed it’s disintegration, and with the crime that is constantly drawn to that place of recent years, I should have seen it coming… but I can’t believe it still!

My first reaction, naturally, was to call everyone I know from that place to find out if they we’re ok…PRAYING that my friends were all safe. Most pf their phones were going straight to voicemail, which was more a worry! But after a while – I discovered all the people I know were ok, and most were not even there that day.

Bless that little guy. 16 years old. So much to live for. A young life taken away…and for what? Reasoning unknown. How could a person have that much anger within to take a life away?
If I say hurtful words to people, sometimes it plays on my mind to the point where I can’t sleep…so how someone could do it, and live with themselves is something I will never be able to understand.
Is it a case of a lack of conscience? Is it just something a person can deny, or block out? What’s going on in this world!
              If we sit back and truly observe the earth for what it naturally is, it is such a beautiful thing. The potential for peace and serenity is amazing…the reality of the peace and serenity happening, are highly doubtful. In fact, pretty much slim to none. Beautiful, yet those who occupy it, are those who destroy it. And the worst of it… It seems to be getting worse.

I want children in the future, but it’s thing’s like this that make me think,
“Do I really want to bring my child into such a hurtful world? A world that seems to be set to self destruct?”

One word to sum up how I’m feeling right now…

Heartbreaking.

 R.I.P James Andre Smarrt-Ford – a great loss on earth, an angel gained in Heaven.

Light a candel for James here

What more can I say?… January 31, 2007

International – Will and Determination

“Last May, in Addis Ababa, I convened a meeting of Heads of African States and Governments. In three days, the thirty-two nations represented at the Conference demonstrated to the world that when the will and determination exist, nations and peoples of diverse backgrounds can and will work together, in unity, for the achievement of common goals and the assurance of that equality and brotherhood which we desire. On the question of racial discrimination, the Addis Ababa Conference taught, to those who will learn, this further lesson: That until the philosophy which one race is superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned;
That until there are no longer first class and second class citizens of any nation;
That until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all, without regard to race;
That until that day the dream of lasting peace and world citizenship and the rule of international morality will remain but fleeting illusions, to be pursued but never attained…”

Speech by Emperor Haile Selassie I
6th October 1963

My LIFE! Get over it!!!!!!! January 4, 2007

Right, I’m gonna have a rant!

What the french connection(I don’t wanna swear lol) is up with certain people!? It is 2007, we live in a inter-grated society (well, at least most of us do) and you’re still going on about black and white!! My life! It drives me up the wall!!
This has been brought on by reading something my friend posted about black women giving white women dagger eyes for being with a black man…
FINALLY figured out how to link it all!…make sure you read it all! Don’t just skim through it! 
And before you start running you’re mouths about I’m getting vex because I can’t take what the black guy is saying…ALLL of it infuriated me! The white woman’s arrogance, and the black guy’s arrogance!)

I am a young white lady, and I really don’t give a rats a%$e about colour, to the point where I don’t even see it…if that makes any sense. Take for example, a couple of days before Christmas, my friend had a house party for his birthday… I was the only white girl there, and the only reason I was able to establish this fact was when I was dancing and the people that didn’t know my name started barlin out “Go white girl! Go white girl” (highly amusing by the way) … didn’t feel uncomfortable in the slightest.
It’s not a case of I think I’m something I’m not; it’s not a case of I try and fit in… I see people as people! and not colour, race, religion, blah blah blah +o(

And as for you pillocks out there that think the only reason black guys go for white women is because they are easy, you are total numbskull’s for real!
                       It isn’t white women… it’s LOOSE women!
As I’ve said, I’m white…and you think that any man could sweet talk me into anything?… are you mad?! You must have lost your mind if you think that you can move to me because I look like a vulnerable little girl, who will give you my all because you paid me a bit of attention… you don’t know me! I’m the definition of ‘looks can be deceiving’! I may look vulnerable, quite and geeky, but you have got me so wrong if you believe that. I’m completely the opposite, and if you ever get my number, consider yourself beyond privileged!

Open your eyes, and realise the world isn’t one that is gonna ever be at peace if you have that stinkin’ attitude.

No one is inferior!
People are just PEOPLE!
Colour is just something that makes us different!

Get over yourselves, fix your attitudes and get on with your EFF-in lives in peace!!!

New Year…defo new beginning! January 1, 2007

Merry New Year, you beautiful people! I have just had the most amazing one! and what was I doing?…working box office in my friend’s club! And I had the best time! Granted, the event was a bit random, so the crowd were EXTREMELY random – but it was fabulous! Met the most fantastic people (all staff I have to admit), and didn’t stop laughing the whole night! I was happy, therefore more confident, and content with being who I am…and on several occassions, by serveral different people was told I am beautiful. (and given roses lol). I have been working since 8pm (31/12/06), it finished at 8am, and I’m still wiiiiiide awake and it’s now 9.30am (1/1/07), and I am so high (and no, not on intoxicating substances either) on life (a little corney, I know, but right now it’s sooooo true!)!

For the first time in years, to the bottom of my soul, I am truely happy! And that’s how I intend to stay…

Babygirl’s New Life resolutions:

• Eat nothing but healthy foods
• Dance more
• Be POSTIVE
• Be happy
• Laugh LOADS!
• and go on holiday!!!!!

Happy New Year! Stay as amazing as you are!

Babygirl x

Our Young People December 30, 2006

Boy, where to begin?

I’ve just had a convo with a young friend of mine, and it has really broken my heart. I have a lot of young friends, each of them often confide in me, but this time is has really hit me.
On the subject of New Years Resolutions, my young friend, we will call her “7”, told me that she’s “got to stop doing naughty things”. After quizzing her for a little, she confessed drinking, smoking, and drug abuse.
I must admit to trying to smoke at the age of 11, and then after a burning chest and coughing fits, I knew it wasn’t for me. I will have a glass of wine rarely on special occasions, but I don’t like feeling like I am not in control of my mind, so it’s not something I choose to do regularly… but I have never, and will never take drugs.
       Obviously, I know that some young people experiment, but 7 revealed to me that she does it to escape.

How can such a young life be in so much distress, and have no one to turn to? Bless her. It really has broken my heart. Instead of supporting her, her mother threw her out.

How can we turn our backs on our young people?!
And the ones that we consider “bad breeds”, ”juvanile delinquents”, “yobs”, ”thugs”… whatever it maybe, and that we turn our backs on, are the ones we should be there for the most! Without guidance, what are they supposed to think? That we hate them, and then go on to grow up angry with the world. And we wonder how such sweet children can turn out so bad. It sickens me to my soul.

How about… be there for your children! At least, be there for them, even if not your own – don’t judge them, don’t scold them, don’t persecute them so that there is no way they can feel they can come to you. Just listen, and support them with an open mind! And then offer your support even if you cannot offer your opinion on the situation.
Even the coldest, and most heartless seeming children still have hearts, feelings and emotions.

There are far too many people out there who are happy to shut them out in the cold. This is the generation that will one day be running the world. Bare that in mind.
     I have always been there for my young friends, and that will never change; but now, I don’t want to be there for just them…I want to, and am going to, be there for many more now.

I hope that more people will open their eyes to this ignorance, and make a conscious effort to change the errors of their ways, and be a part of the solution as opposed to a part of the problem.